that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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