In the future we'll all be gay
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
