Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
