The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
