Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
