did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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