I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
