Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
