Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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