so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
