Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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