I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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