i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
