you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
