just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
