The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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