Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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