Jerry, you need to find god
I just threw up on my dentist
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
