is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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