He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
