They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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