her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
