So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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