there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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