Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Randomize
