I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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