How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
high people should be assigned attendants
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
