Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
