So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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