At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
