FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
