Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
