after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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