like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
