Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
