she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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