talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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