Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
