if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
