69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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