My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
