Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
