Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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