Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
