if i can run in heels then i can drive
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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