you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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