I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
