from now on my penis is your penis
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
