It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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