i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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