you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
