they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
