And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
pray to the hookup gods
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
