I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize