I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
